"" THE ROAD NOT TAKEN: Hello, you have reached... please press...

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Saturday, 6 December 2008

Hello, you have reached... please press...

Don't you hate it when you call a company and an automated voice comes on? The worst offenders are telcos and banks, you go round and round and in the end you hang up in total frustration.

I was wondering what it would be like when you call some of the biggest companies around. (The following is completely fictitious! It bears no resemblance to any businesses, organisations or political parties, past or present; dead or alive.)


Hello, United Malawi Nature Organisation. If you know the extension, please key in the four digits now, Otherwise please press

1 for Ketuanan Malawi and master-slave relationship information

2 for courses on money politics

3 for Umno faction A

4 for Umno faction B

5 for Class F contracts

6 for APs

7 for membership

8 to recommend someone for ISA award

Or press zero for the operator.


Hello, you've reach the Marcedonia Chinese Associates. If you know the extension, please press the number now. Otherwise please press

1 for Ong faction

2 for Chua faction

3 for Chinese education

4 for help with hawker licences, runaways, Ah Longs and domestic violence

5 for admissions to UTAR and KTAR

6 for appeal letters to public universities

7 for membership

8 for Ling faction

Or press zero for the operator.


Hello, you've reach the Sabahan Primate Protection Party or SAPPP. If you know the extension, please press the number now. Otherwise please press

1 for Stay-in-BN faction

2 for Get-out-of-BN faction

3 for Sabah nationalism

4 to report phantom voters

5 to report illegal Filipinos and Indonesians

6 for membership

Or press zero for the operator.

Hello, you've reach the Maldaven Indiana Company. If you know the extension, please press the number now. Otherwise please press

1 for the latest wig design and prices

2 for rebranding uniforms and information

3 for latest scrap metal prices

4 for information on highway tolls

5 to report Hindraf supporters

6 to report illegal temples

7 for visa permits for temple workers

8 to report gangster activities

Or press zero for the operator.


Of course there are many other companies that are worthy for mention here, but I just don't have the patience to listen to these automated voices!

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