"" THE ROAD NOT TAKEN: 2008

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Saturday, 6 December 2008

Hello, you have reached... please press...

Don't you hate it when you call a company and an automated voice comes on? The worst offenders are telcos and banks, you go round and round and in the end you hang up in total frustration.

I was wondering what it would be like when you call some of the biggest companies around. (The following is completely fictitious! It bears no resemblance to any businesses, organisations or political parties, past or present; dead or alive.)


Hello, United Malawi Nature Organisation. If you know the extension, please key in the four digits now, Otherwise please press

1 for Ketuanan Malawi and master-slave relationship information

2 for courses on money politics

3 for Umno faction A

4 for Umno faction B

5 for Class F contracts

6 for APs

7 for membership

8 to recommend someone for ISA award

Or press zero for the operator.


Hello, you've reach the Marcedonia Chinese Associates. If you know the extension, please press the number now. Otherwise please press

1 for Ong faction

2 for Chua faction

3 for Chinese education

4 for help with hawker licences, runaways, Ah Longs and domestic violence

5 for admissions to UTAR and KTAR

6 for appeal letters to public universities

7 for membership

8 for Ling faction

Or press zero for the operator.


Hello, you've reach the Sabahan Primate Protection Party or SAPPP. If you know the extension, please press the number now. Otherwise please press

1 for Stay-in-BN faction

2 for Get-out-of-BN faction

3 for Sabah nationalism

4 to report phantom voters

5 to report illegal Filipinos and Indonesians

6 for membership

Or press zero for the operator.

Hello, you've reach the Maldaven Indiana Company. If you know the extension, please press the number now. Otherwise please press

1 for the latest wig design and prices

2 for rebranding uniforms and information

3 for latest scrap metal prices

4 for information on highway tolls

5 to report Hindraf supporters

6 to report illegal temples

7 for visa permits for temple workers

8 to report gangster activities

Or press zero for the operator.


Of course there are many other companies that are worthy for mention here, but I just don't have the patience to listen to these automated voices!

Thursday, 4 December 2008

Kalendar Persekolahan 2009

Kumpulan A

Penggal

Cuti dan Hari Persekolahan

Mula

Akhir

Hari

I

Hari Persekolahan

04.01.2009

29.01.2009

20

Hari Persekolahan

01.02.2009

26.02.2009

20

Hari Persekolahan

01.03.2009

12.03.2009

10

Cuti Pertengahan Penggal

13.03.2009

21.03.2009

9

Hari Persekolahan

22.03.2009

31.03.2009

8

Hari Persekolahan

01.04.2009

30.04.2009

22

Hari Persekolahan

03.05.2009

28.05.2009

20

Cuti Pertengahan Tahun

29.05.2009

13.06.2009

16

II

Hari Persekolahan

14.06.2009

30.06.2009

13

Hari Persekolahan

01.07.2009

31.07.2009

22

Hari Persekolahan

02.08.2009

20.08.2009

15

Cuti Pertengahan Penggal

21.08.2009

29.08.2009

9

Hari Persekolahan

30.08.2009

31.08.2009

2

Hari Persekolahan

01.09.2009

30.09.2009

22

Hari Persekolahan

01.10.2009

29.10.2009

21

Hari Persekolahan

01.11.2009

19.11.2009

15

Cuti Akhir Tahun

20.11.2009

02.01.2010

44

Jumlah

288

Jumlah Hari Persekolahan Termasuk Cuti Am

210

Jumlah Hari Cuti Penggal

78



Kumpulan B

Penggal

Cuti dan Hari Persekolahan

Mula

Akhir

Hari

I

Hari Persekolahan

05.01.2009

30.01.2009

20

Hari Persekolahan

01.02.2009

27.02.2009

20

Hari Persekolahan

01.03.2009

13.03.2009

10

Cuti Pertengahan Penggal

14.03.2009

22.03.2009

9

Hari Persekolahan

23.03.2009

31.03.2009

7

Hari Persekolahan

01.04.2009

30.04.2009

22

Hari Persekolahan

01.05.2009

29.05.2009

21

Cuti Pertengahan Tahun

30.05.2009

14.06.2009

16

II

Hari Persekolahan

15.06.2009

30.06.2009

12

Hari Persekolahan

01.07.2009

31.07.2009

23

Hari Persekolahan

03.08.2009

21.08.2009

15

Cuti Pertengahan Penggal

22.08.2009

30.08.2009

9

Hari Persekolahan


31.08.2009

1

Hari Persekolahan

01.09.2009

30.09.2009

22

Hari Persekolahan

01.10.2009

29.10.2009

22

Hari Persekolahan

02.11.2009

20.11.2009

15

Cuti Akhir Tahun

21.11.2009

03.01.2010

44

Jumlah

288

Jumlah Hari Persekolahan Termasuk Cuti Am

210

Jumlah Hari Cuti Penggal

78

Kumpulan A

Kumpulan B


  • Kedah
  • Kelantan
  • Terengganu
  • Perlis
  • Pulau Pinang
  • Perak
  • Selangor
  • Negeri Sembilan
  • Melaka
  • Johor
  • Pahang
  • Sabah
  • Sarawak
  • Wilayah Persekutuan Kuala Lumpur
  • Wilayah Persekutuan Labuan
  • Wilayah Persekutuan Putrajaya

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

and the moon smiles.....


Keajaiban bulan 'senyum': Luar biasa. Kelihatan bulan sabit dan planet Musytari serta Zuhrah menyerupai muka orang tersenyum atau bulan 'senyum' yang boleh kelihatan bermula kira-kira jam 8 malam tadi. Kejadian luar biasa astronomi itu berlaku lima tahun sekali.

Monday, 24 November 2008

9 Words that Women Always Use

(1) Fine:
This is the word that women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Anything said after that is the start of a new argument.

(2) Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statement a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever:
It's a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but she is now doing it herself. This will later cause a man asking , '"What's wrong?", and the woman's response would be # 3.

*Send this to the men you know, just to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

*Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!

Sunday, 23 November 2008

Which side is the petrol tank on?

For those who did NOT know THE BEST KEPT SECRET!!!


I have been driving (legally) for over two decades. One would think I would have noticed the little secret on my dash that was staring at me right in the face the whole time. I didn't and I bet you probably haven't either.

QUICK QUESTION:
What side of your car is your gas tank?

If you are anything like me, you probably can't remember right away. My solution is to uncomfortably stick my head out the window, strain my neck and look. If you don't do this in your own car you definitely have done it in a borrowed or rented car.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to share with you my little secret so you will no longer look like Ace Ventura on your way to the gas station or put your neck at risk of injury.

If you look at your gas gauge, you will see a small icon of a gas pump. The handle of the gas pump will extend out on either the left or right side of the pump. If your tank is on the left, the handle will be on the left. If your tank is on the right, the handle will be on the right (see photo above). It is that simple!

I don't know how you feel right now but when I found out this morning I felt cheated!


Why don't the dealers share such important information with car buyers? I don't understand why this isn't in the driver’s manual? I don't get it why any mechanics I have ever been too or know have even thought of mentioning this to me? The only possible explanation can be that all these people probably don't even know about this!


Go out and share the world's best kept auto secret with your friends as this information is way too important to be kept a secret!

Saturday, 22 November 2008

Friday, 21 November 2008

The Atlantis Hotel, Dubai

It's the latest word in Gulf excess - a sprawling £800million resort boasting a £13,000-a-night suite and dolphins flown in from the South Pacific, all atop a palm tree-shaped island.

Environmentalists have long criticised both the island and some of the features of The Atlantis hotel.

Analysts wonder, separately, if global financial turmoil could someday crimp Dubai's big tourist dreams.

But Dubai is not blinking: the 113-acre resort on an artificial island off the Persian Gulf coast is among the city-state's biggest bets that tourism can help sustain its economy once regional oil profits stop flowing.

But don't expect to find roulette wheels at Dubai's Atlantis. Islamic prohibitions against gambling ensure casinos remain off-limits.
















Thursday, 20 November 2008

One Two Ka Four...Pagal Hai

Film Script

SC 20. INT. US$20 MILLION MANSION IN MUMBAI – DAY 1

Camera tracks in over the trees, through their branches, turns and goes towards the window, goes into window, pans left and tracks more into the mansions main lobby down through the main staircase, through a massive oak door and into a massive smoking room.

The room is huge. A stuffed head of a wild boar is stuck on wall – a trophy of a past hunting trip.
Camera zooms in into the many pictures on the wall – pictures of SRK with many personalities of the world – Bush, Obama, Margaret Thatcher, Abramovich, Tendulkar, Tom Cruise, Catherine Zeta Jones, J. Lo, Micheal Jackson, Osama Bin Laden and the most attention grabbing photo – a picture of him with Datin Seri R.

Camera pans left and tracks in towards SRK who is alone, smoking a stick of maryjane. In the background, the music being played on the CD player, Rolling Stone’s Can’t Get No Satisfaction.
SRK is half way stoned. He is smiling. He is enjoying his maryjane and his music so much so he doesn’t hear nor realize his agent cum manager, Manipul Singh, coming in to meet him.

MANIPUL
Ermm…Khan?

SRK went on as if he didn’t hear the voice.

MANIPUL
Khan…

SRK still didn’t react. Manipul shook his head and resigned to what he had to do. He dropped to his knees and then went prostrate.

MANIPUL
Ohhhh great Khan..Master of the universe…most handsomest being on Earth…allow this humble being a moment of your precious time.

SRK jerked to attention. His right eye brow perked up and he smiled.
He turned and tapped Manipul on his head and signaled Manipul to sit on a chair near him.

MANIPUL
Thank you oh great Khan.

SRK
Vat is it dat you come here for?

MANIPUL
I have wonderful news for you O Great Khan.

SRK
Vat news?

MANIPUL
Malacca has conferred upon you the title of Datuk..oh Great Khan.

SRK was in mid-puff when he jerked to a stop. He slowly turned to face Manipul.

SRK
Malaka? Vat the F is Malaka?

MANIPUL
It’s a country…

SRK
Country? Never heard ovit. Vere is dis Malaka? Near Molukus?

MANIPUL
It is actually a state in the country of Malaysia.

SRK
Ahhhh…Malaysia…nice country…twice sponsored to host two of our nonsensical film awards show..hahhaa…idiots…but that is Malaysia…vat is Malaka?

MANIPUL
It is actually a state O Great Khan.

SRK
Jas now you sed Malaka was a country. Now you sed it is a state. VIch is it, Manipul? Come come. Do not waste the Khan’s time.

MANIPUL
It is a state in Malaysia O Great Khan.

SRK
Hmmmm….big state?

MANIPUL
Errmm…not really sir…

SRK
Medium size state?

MANIPUL
Ahhhh..small…

SRK
Vat??? Small state?

MANIPUL
Not smallest….second smallest O Great Khan! You actually shot some scene and songs in that very beautiful state.

SRK
Manipul…I’ve shot thousands of songs…vat the F do I remember about locations….anyvay…vat film vas dat?

MANIPUL
One Two Ka Four…

SRK
Pagal Hai!!! I hate dat bloody film….crap film!!

MANIPUL
But the people in Melaka like it….really O Great Khan.

SRK
Okay okay…so de Sultan of Malaka vants to make me a Datuk?

MANIPUL
No Sultan….a Yang Di Pertua Negeri…

SRK
I tot Malaysia has Sultans?

MANIPUL
Yes..but not all states…this one has a Yang DI Pertua Negeri…

SRK
But he is considered royalty yes?

MANIPUL
I don’t know O Great Khan..I don’t know much about Malaysian culture.

SRK
You know nothing, Manipul…you don’t have top IQ like me…you know my IQ is..

MANIPUL
200….Yes O Great Khan…I know…

SRK
Hahaha…yes…even higher than dat guy in the veelchair who says de vorld began vith a bang….Hahahah…

MANIPUL
O Great Khan…you have to go to Melaka to accept the award.

SRK
Are dey sending a private jet for me?

MANIPUL
Most probably O Great Khan…the man who was supposed to have proposed your name to receive the award has a private jet at your disposal.

SRK
Really? Remind me to send him an autograph copy of my picture.

MANIPUL
So you want to go?

SRK
I don’t know yet….only last week de French sent someone to Mumbai to give me de great award of French Order of Letters….hahaaha….they actually came to Mumbai you know Manipul…so you tink dis Yang Di Petua…

MANIPUL
Yang Di Pertua Negeri…

SRK
Yes yes…dis fellow can come here?

MANIPUL
No sir…you have to go…

SRK
Hmmmm….tell me something about dis fellow the Yang Di…etcetra…

MANIPUL
He was formerly the minister of information before being elevated to Yang Di Pertua Negeri….

SRK
He’s a commoner and became a Sultan?

MANIPUL
Not a sultan O Great Khan….more a Governor…

SRK
Not bad not bad….lemme think about it first.
Come back later…

MANIPUL
Yes O great Khan….

Manipul stood and immediately left the room. SRK started laughing to himself.

FADE TO BLACK

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Monday, 17 November 2008

Businessman and Fisherman

What do you really hope to achieve in life?

There was once an American businessman who was sitting by the beach in a small Mexican village. As he sat, he saw a Mexican fisherman rowing a small boat towards the shore and noticed that the fisherman has caught a quite number of big fishes that is known to be a delicacy.

The American was really impressed and asked the fisherman, "How long does it take you to catch so many fishes?"

The fisherman replied; "Oh, just a short while."

"Then why don't you stay longer at sea and you could catch even more?" The businessman was astonished.

The fisherman simply did not agree, "This is enough to feed my whole family", he said.

The businessman then asked: "So, what do you do for the rest of the day then?"

The fisherman replied; "Well, I usually wake up early in the morning, go out to sea and catch a few fishes, then I would go back and play with my kids. In the afternoon, I will take a nap with my wife, and evening comes, I will join my buddies in the village for a drink, we played guitar, sing and dance throughout the night. My day was ever so complete and carefree."

The businessman did not agree with his way of life and offered a suggestion to the fisherman.

"I am a PhD holder graduated from Harvard University, specialises in business management. I could help you to become a more successful person. From now on, you have to spend more time
at sea and try to catch as many fishes as possible. And when you have save enough money, you could buy a bigger boat and catch even more fishes. As you go on, you will be able to afford to buy more boats, recruit more fishermen and lead a team of your own. Soon you will be able to set-up your own company, your very own production plant for canned food and do direct selling to your distributors.At that time, you will have moved out of this village and to Mexico city, and then expand your operation to LA, and finally to New York city, where you can set-up your HQ to manage all your other branches."

The fisherman asked, "So, how long would that take? "

The businessman replied: "About 15 to 20 years"

The fisherman continued, "And after that?"

The businessman laughed heartily, "After that, you can live like a king in your own house, and when the time is right, you can go public and float your shares in the Stock Exchange, by then
you will be rich, your income will be coming in by the millions!!"

The fisherman asked, "And after that?"

The businessman said, "After that, you can finally retire, you can move to a house by the fishing village, wake up early in the morning and catch a few fishes, then return home to play with
the kids, have a nice afternoon nap with your wife, and when evening comes, you can join your buddies for a drink, play the guitar, sing and dance throughout the night!! "

The fisherman was puzzled, "Isn't that what I am doing now??"

So, what does one really hope to achieve in life, do we really need to work so hard in life? What do you hope to accomplish in the end ?

Friday, 14 November 2008

Video SAJAK KEMATIAN

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN TO VIEW THE VIDEO...

Mum sees red over funeral video clip shown in school

By KAREN CHAPMAN and TAN EE LOO

PETALING JAYA: A parent has lodged a police report against a school for allegedly showing an inappropriate video clip to Muslim pupils.

Intan Sabrina Mohamad said her eight-year-old son was terrified on Thursday after watching the 20-minute video clip that had explicit images of a corpse.

She said her son’s religious teacher had allegedly inflicted fear in the pupils by telling them, “you need to pray or this will happen to you.”

“My son said he’s seen hell and cried when I tried to put him to bed on Thursday night,” said the boy’s father Michael O’Leary.

O’Leary said the video clip should have been scrutinised by child psychologists to evaluate its impact before being shown in school.

The video clip allegedly shows scenes of funeral services and a corpse wrapped in white cloth with effects of thunder and lightning.

It had the words Sajak Kematian (Poem of death) at the bottom of the clip.

Intan Sabrina, a rehabilitation physician, said her son told her some pupils cried after watching the video.

The mother of two said a parent-teacher association meeting would be held tomorrow to look into the matter.

She lodged a police report at the Damansara Police Station on Friday morning.

According to the police report, a religious teacher had said he did not have to submit the video for scrutiny.

It is learnt he refused to withdraw the video which was shown during an extra-curriculum religious education programme.

Education Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Tun Hussein has instructed his officers to get to the bottom of the matter.


video

Thursday, 13 November 2008

PESANAN IBU & AYAH...

Tahniah untuk Ijat di atas kejayaan yang cemerlang dalam UPSR! You made us very proud and grateful...

Anak-anakku
Ingatlah pesanan ibu ayah

Jadilah mentari yang mengeringkan ikan-ikan di jemuran
Bukan lalat yang mengotorkan ikan-ikan
Jadilah lebah yang membawa madu
Bukan ulat yang membusukkan bau

Jadilah bebunga yang mengindahkan taman
Bukan lalang yang menyemak pandangan
Jadilah rumput yang menghampar laman
Bukan kerikil yang menyukarkan laluan

Jadilah hujan yang menyuburkan tanaman
Bukan banjir yang memusnahkan
Jadilah bulan bintang yang bersinar terang
Bukan gerhana kemarau kontang

Jadilah angin menyejukkan jiwa
Bukan ribut yang meruntuhkan segala
Jadilah air yang menyegarkan dahaga
Bukan debu yang menyesakkan dada

Jadilah gunung yang menghijaukan mata
Bukan mendung menyapu muka
Jadilah laut yang menenangkan duka
Bukan gelora yang menghanyutkan semua

Jadilah pokok rimbun yang memberikan teduh
Bukan ranting kering menunggu jatuh
Jadilah muara sungai tempat kapal-kapal berlabuh
Bukan kuala dengan sampah-sarap penuh

Anak-anakku
Jadilah diri penyebab kepada kesukaan
Bukan penyebab kepada kedukaan
Dan penambah masalah ...

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Ampuni Khilaf dan Salah Selama Ini...



Wahai… Pemilik nyawaku
Betapa lemah diriku ini
Berat ujian dariMu
Kupasrahkan semua padaMu

Tuhan… Baru ku sadar
Indah nikmat sehat itu
Tak pandai aku bersyukur
Kini kuharapkan cintaMu

Kata-kata cinta terucap indah
Mengalir berzikir di kidung doaku
Sakit yang kurasa biar jadi penawar dosaku
Butir-butir cinta air mataku

Teringat semua yang Kau beri untukku
Ampuni khilaf dan salah selama ini
Ya Ilahi….
Muhasabah cintaku…

Tuhan… Kuatkan aku
Lindungiku dari putus asa
Jika ku harus mati
Pertemukan aku denganMu

Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Resepi Mencapai Kejayaan

SELAMAT MENDUDUKI PEPERIKSAAN SPM, SEMOGA BERJAYA DENGAN CEMERLANG...

1. Ilmu secukupnya.(ditambah mengikut selera).

2. Sebuah ketekunan (diparut).

3. Sedikit kerajinan (diasah).

4 Hiris keinsafan (dimayang).

5 Kepingan kasih-sayang.

6. Beberapa potong nasihat / petua.

7. Beberapa pohon doa.

8. Segenggam harapan.

9. Semangkuk azam.

10. Seulas keiklasan.

11. 1/4 cawan air mata.

12. Sedikit dendam &cemburu (dilumat).

13. Secebis malas (ditumbuk halus).

14. Sekuntum senyuman (untuk hiasan).


Resepi Pelajar Terbaik.

Kongsi :

-ilmu.

-bantu kawan yang mengalami masalah pelajaran.

-Firman Allah bermaksud :
“ Aku sangat benci kepada orang yang menyembunyikan ilmunya”.

-gunakan bahasa yg baik apabila berbual sesama rakan.

Monday, 10 November 2008

Whatever IT IS, Don't Quit!!!

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won if he’d stuck it out.
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are -
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit -
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

Friday, 7 November 2008

Proton MPV design registered with UK patent office!







Proton filed the design of the new Proton MPV with the UK Intellectual Property Office on the 24th of October 2008 and it was approved on the 4th of November 2008. We can now see in full detail of how the new Proton MPV will look like, though it’s only the low resolution sketches that are available from the public UK IPO website. It looks pretty much similiar to the images of the model that appeared to be snapped in a Proton facility. Everything matches, including the chrome bar at the rear. The Proton MPV is scheduled to be released in early 2009.


For more spyshots and details, please visit the related links listed below.

Related Posts:

Proton MPV exclusive initial details revealed!

SPYSHOT: Proton MPV next to a Nissan Grand Livina

SPYSHOT: Proton MPV on the road

VIDEO: Not one, but TWO Proton MPVs on the PLUS highway

VIDEO: 2009 Proton MPV on the MRR2